The twisted minds of two of the six writers of “Scary Movie” tackle the biggest mega-blockbusters of all time in “Epic Movie.” The story centers on four not-so-young orphans: one raised by a curator at the Louvre (where an albino assassin lurks), another a refugee from Mexican “libre” wrestling, the third a recent victim of snakes on her plane, and the fourth a “normal” resident of a mutant “X”-community. The hapless quartet visits a chocolate factory, where they stumble into an enchanted wardrobe that transports them to the land of Gnarnia (with a “G”). There they meet a flamboyant pirate captain and earnest students of wizardry - and join forces with, among others, a wise-but-horny lion to defeat the evil White Bitch of Gnarnia.
1: A white-hot juggernaut at 200 miles per hour! (segment “Death Proof”)
Plot Summary:
From cult movie directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez comes a unique film experience: a double-bill of thrillers that recall both filmmakers’ favorite exploitation films. “Grindhouse” (a downtown movie theater in disrepair since its glory days as a movie palace known for “grinding out” non-stop double-bill programs of B-movies) is presented as one full-length feature comprised of two individual films helmed separately by each director. Tarantino’s film, “Death Proof,” is a rip-roaring slasher flick where the killer pursues his victims with a car rather than a knife, while Rodriguez’s film “Planet Terror” shows us a view of the world in the midst of a zombie outbreak. The films are joined together by clever faux trailers that recall the ’50s exploitation drive-in classics.
In 2006, in Red River, Tennessee, a teenager has frequent nightmares. Her mother reads an old letter from 1817 written by her ancestor, Lucy Bell. After a dispute of lands judged by the church, her husband John Bell is cursed by his opponent Kathe Batts, who has a fame of being a witch. From this moment on, an entity threatens John and her daughter Betsy Bell, attacking the girl during the nights. With the support of Betsy’s school teacher Richard Powell, who tries to find rational explanations for the manifestation; her brother John Bell Jr.; and their friend James Johnston, who unsuccessfully tries to exorcize the entity from the house, the family does their best to protect Betsy in the haunted house.
1: In the ways of the Ancients, she found a hope for the future 2: One young girl dared to confront the past, change the present and determine the future
Plot Summary:
On the east coast of New Zealand, the Whangara people believe their presence there dates back a thousand years or more to a single ancestor, Paikea, who escaped death when his canoe capsized by riding to shore on the back of a whale. From then on, Whangara chiefs, always the first-born, always male, have been considered Paikea’s direct descendants. Pai, an 11-year-old girl in a patriarchal New Zealand tribe, believes she is destined to be the new chief. But her grandfather Koro is bound by tradition to pick a male leader. Pai loves Koro more than anyone in the world, but she must fight him and a thousand years of tradition to fulfill her destiny.
Jon Bon Jovi stars in this horror film. Vampires: Los Muertos centers on vampire hunter-for-hire Derek Bliss (Bon Jovi),When a new client hires him to hunt down a particularly powerful vampire queen in Mexico,soon he gathers a hunting crew and sets off across Mexico for some vampire hunting action.
1: On May 12, We Fight Back. 2: Prepare For Battle 3: Prepare to go Psychlo 4: Take Back The Planet
Plot Summary:
In the year 3000, man is no match for the Psychlo’s, a greedy, manipulative race of aliens on a quest for ultimate profit. Led by the seductive and powerful Terl (Travolta), the Psychlo’s are stripping Earth clean of its natural resources, using the broken remnants of humanity as slaves. What is left of the human race has descended into a near primitive state, believing the invaders to be demons and technology to be evil. After humanity has all but given up any hope of freeing themselves from alien oppression, a young man named Tyler (Pepper) decides to leave his desolate home high in the Rocky Mountains to discover the truth, whereupon he is captured and enslaved. It is then that he decides to fight back, leading his fellow man in one final struggle for freedom.
1: From zero to hero 2: Stanley Ipkiss is not the man he used to be.
Plot Summary:
Stanley Ipkiss is a bank clerk that is an incredibly nice man. Unfortunately, he is too nice for his own good and is a pushover when it comes to confrontations. After one of the worst days of his life, he finds a mask that depicts Loki, the Norse night god of mischief. Now, when he puts it on, he becomes his inner, self: a cartoony romantic wild man. However, a small time crime boss, Dorian Tyrel, comes across this character dubbed “The Mask” by the media. After Ipkiss’s alter ego indirectly kills his friend in crime, Tyrel now wants this green-faced goon destroyed.
1: An Adventure 65 Million Years In The Making 2: The most phenomenal discovery of our time… becomes the greatest adventure of all time.
Plot Summary:
On a remote island, a wealthy entrepreneur secretly creates a theme park featuring living dinosaurs drawn from prehistoric DNA. Before opening the attraction to the public, he invites a top paleontologist, a paleobotanist, a mathematician/theorist, and his two eager grandchildren to experience the park — and help calm anxious investors. However, their park visit is anything but tranquil as the park’s security system breaks down, the prehistoric creatures break out, and the excitement builds to surprising results. Based on Michael Crichton’s best-selling novel.
1: Return To A Galaxy… Far, Far Away 2: The Empire Falls…. 3: The Saga Continues.
Plot Summary:
The Empire is more than halfway through construction of a new Death Star - almost twice as big, but more than twice as powerful. When completed, it will spell certain doom for Luke Skywalker and the Rebels. Han Solo is a prisoner of crime lord Jabba the Hutt, and Princess Leia soon finds herself in the gangster’s hands. Luke Skywalker, aided by C-3PO and R2-D2, makes his way into Jabba’s palace, hoping to secure his friends’ freedom. But the Hutt has no intention of doing so and tries to kill them all. After escaping from Jabba and the sands of Tatooine, they regroup with the Rebel fleet, which is massing for an attack against the new satellite battle station at Endor. Lando Calrissian is pressed into action to lead the Rebel fighter attack, while Han is put in charge of a group of soldiers to take out the shield generator protecting the Death Star. Luke, however, surrenders to Vader’s soldiers on Endor, and is taken in front of Vader’s boss - the Galactic Emperor - on the Death Star for final corruption to the Dark Side of the Force. The fleet of Imperial Star Destroyers ambushes the Rebels, cutting them off. Worse, the new Death Star begins turning its giant laser on the Rebel carriers. It appears that nothing will stop the Empire’s triumph - unless things start to change quickly…
